Where We Dream: My First Feature-Length Script
  • My Script!
    1. Did it make you feel emotions?2 votes
        Not really.
      1. Yessir!
  • I started reading late last night, i will continue at some point this weekend. But i think it is admiral to bring a bit of a different medium of culture to NoobToob, particularly something this personal. Good on you dude.
  • I don't know how experienced you are with writing scripts, but before I even start, thank you for formatting it correctly. Makes it much easier to go through.
  • I read it through twice and I have to say, you've come a long way Manio.

    To nitpick, you need to clean up your spelling in a few areas. It's not a major problem, but things like that really stick out for me.

    However, one thing I really think you got almost spot on is the way the characters talk and interact. So many writers make a mess of this but your characters speak and act like the mundane regular Joe Blows that they are. Nobody sounds totally off, and there's no preaching or pretentiousness.

    Your writing follows a lot of the tropes of this kind of theme, but tropes are not necessarily bad. The reason they become tropes after all, is because so many people like or can relate to them. Plus, you admitted you were in unfamiliar territory, so I can't blame you for sounding a bit derivative. As I was reading I could also almost imagine what TV shows you've watched, books you've read, and games you've played from the way you write, disregarding the ones you outright mentioned. Did you write this after you played the South Park game? :P

    There is potential here. You've obviously been putting the hours in to hone your craft, and if you keep it up you'll only get better. It'd be interesting to read something from a genre you ARE comfortable writing though.

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