Canada SUCKS LOL
  • Hello friends, welcome back to my not-quite-weekly but still semi-regularly polls of questionable quality but unquestionable passion. I am sure you are here because of the title, which, if my eyes do not deceive me, does imply that Canada SUCKS LOL. Whether or not I drummed that up purely for effect is neither here nor there. Today, in this very thread, I would like you to consider said country:

    image

    That, everyone, is the Canadian flag. And while Canada may be known internationally for being all aboot syrup, moose, donuts, hockey, and ending sentences with "eh," Canada also has a darker, more sinister side. 

    I am talking, of course, about Canadian Hellspawn.

    While few in number, these Hellspawn have invariably damaged us through their behaviour and overall lack of humanity. 

    I have listed the most prominent of the Hellspawn in the following poll, of which you are to vote for the very worst. Beneath this sentence is a summary of their actions:

    Justin Bieber: Anyone who has ever worked with him has claimed he is a massive asshole, and you can even find video evidence of such online of him being a douchebag to fast food workers, as he drives his expensive car and laughs at their misfortune. 

    Celine Dion: If there is such a thing as having too much love in love songs, she is a testament to it, spinning incredibly mushy, trite, and painful 90s slow-pop. She's also probably a bigot, as she wants Muslim headgear made illegal.

    Nickleback: LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH:
     image

    Ted Cruz: One of a long line of horrible Texas politicians, listing Cruz' crimes against decency would take too long. Recently, he has proposed having the Supreme Court of the United States up for vote, something the Founding Fathers he claims to love were ardently against. This is because he hates gay people.

    Avril Lavigne: Hey Hey, You You, please stooooooooooooop. When her and Nickleback's lead singer got together, we were lucky earth wasn't immediately annihilated by advanced beings from far away. Or maybe we weren't lucky. Fuck.

    Robin Thicke: This guy basically made a song promoting sexual assault, threw a bunch of naked women in the video, and laughed all the way to the bank about it.

    Stephen Harper: Apparently, he never got the memo that being the George Bush of a country is not an esteemed position. Besides being a terrible leader, he has had multiple large scale photos of him, in various poses, placed all over the House of Commons. Infact, it has been reported at various times throughout his career that he suffers from severe narcissism. 

    Upon the results of this pole, I will be sending a self-addressed and stamped envelope to Canada, where we shall hope to receive an apology on their behalf. 
    Canada
    1. Who should Canada apologize to us for most?12 votes
        Justin Bieber
        33.33%
      1. Celine Dion
          8.33%
      2. Nickleback
          0.00%
      3. Ted Cruz
        33.33%
      4. Avril Lavigne
          0.00%
      5. Robin Thicke
          8.33%
      6. Stephen Harper
        16.67%
  • YOU FORGOT BRYAN ADAMS!
    You hoser.
  • I was born in 1989, so I plead the "that was before my time" excuse.
  • The are no statutes of limitations on war crimes.
  • I date a Canadian and they do actually say "eh" a lot, which I thought was a stereotype. Don't offend my ear drums with your weird noises, Canada.
  • As a Canadian I feel hurt, eh.
  • I want other Canadians who voted for Stephen Harper to apologize to me.
    Noobied by 1tallchick
  • We scraped together fewer than ten terrible Canadians. Imagine the hundreds of loathsome Americans we could list off the top of our heads.
  • @Winsord

    I voted for the Biebs.
  • The Biebs gets too much hate. Yeah he's a douche nozzle but I'd almost guarantee if you took any 16 year old boy, buried him in a mountain of money, pussy, and cocaine, you'd get a monster similar to the Biebs.

    I voted for Celine Dion, for that bloody awful song from that bloody awful movie, Titanic.
    Noobied by 1tallchick
  • ITT people that don't know how much of a turd burger Ted Cruz is.
  • I know Penelope Cruz, not so much Ted.
  • You forgot the part where Americans force themselves on the world, but ok, I apologize for ....none of that.

    Bieber was too young for me to ask one of the dudes I went to school with to beat his ass on the rugby field.
    Dion is a victim of child abuse
    Nickelback was too far west for me to give a hoot
    Ted Cruz, went to high school in Texas, I blame Texas.
    Avril, her problems I blame on her ex husband, she was awesome before he happened
    And I never voted for that wannabe loser now wrecking my country

    http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/09/16/stephen-harper-alcohol-beer-wine-booze-drinking-photos_n_3935054.html


    ...But maybe I did rock out to Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines a little too hard. It was a horribly danceable tune and I was drunk and didn't understand the lyrics. I had far too much fun dancing with boys, and I am an egregious sinner. It's all my fault, I'm so sorry, world. I will now retreat and do my pennance.

    Just remember, kids, America gave the world Miley's twerk, that same year. And Honey Boo Boo. And a whole host of other crap.

    So There.

    Still <3 all your crazy though, my rambunctious, adventurous, insane neighbour.

    Noobied by 2Winsord NewAgeRed
  • Today is Canada Day, and sadly, we lost Jim Carrey to vaccine conspiracy theories. 
  • Don't laugh, the antivax crowd is loosing it's mind all over the Internet over the new California vaccine law.
  • The Antivax crowd is going rabid, maybe they need a (to be) shot? I am still waiting for Canada to invade the US of A is Southpark wrong?

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