Where We Dream: My First Feature-Length Script
  • I wrote a feature-length script in May for a contest over on Reddit. I decided to share it with everyone here. It's only the second draft, and I can't feel like I can do much more with it. It's about a very young boy who discovers he has cancer in the very late stages, and is unoperable. So, to cope with his disease he creates a fantasy world with his best-friend to escape to.

    I'm not known, or comfortable with writing emotional stuff like this. I'm more into fantasy, and horror. So, I'd like you guys to read it and let me know what you think. Myself, I feel like the pacing is a bit off and the characters are a bit meh. Shows me right for trying to write something emotional, haha. I did make someone cry while they read it, so that feels like a plus. To me atleast.

    It's 86 pages, but it would mean the world to me if you guys read it, and left me some comments :)

    The link is here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/225309353/Where-We-Dream-2nd-Draft
    My Script!
    1. Did it make you feel emotions?2 votes
        Not really.
      1. Yessir!
  • I've started on it but I'm a little scatterbrained at the moment so it may take me a while to get through it, but I will finish it. I've been terrible over the past few years with putting my artwork out into the world and I know it's a difficult thing to do so kudos for that.
  • Hey Manio,

    I think its great that you're writing something you're embarrassed about and would otherwise like to avoid. That's the thing about this medium of intimate thought induction; there is no hiding for the author with how bare you are.

    Could you put this on Google drive for inline commenting? I would love a link to that to provide better feedback. I'll make some time this weekend to sit and read.

    I'm going to sticky this for a week in the hopes that our little gaming community will see it and spare some time to help you out. GoodEnoughForMe is a seriously excellent writer in my mind so I think there would be a lot of value if you had a conversation with him to pick his mind.

    - sloth
  • Thanks lads! And yeah, I could do the Google Drive bidness.
  • I started reading late last night, i will continue at some point this weekend. But i think it is admiral to bring a bit of a different medium of culture to NoobToob, particularly something this personal. Good on you dude.
  • I don't know how experienced you are with writing scripts, but before I even start, thank you for formatting it correctly. Makes it much easier to go through.
  • @GoodEnoughForMe

    Took classes in highschool, so that helped. Been doing it for around 6 years now.



    Thanks mate. Means a lot.
  • I read it through twice and I have to say, you've come a long way Manio.

    To nitpick, you need to clean up your spelling in a few areas. It's not a major problem, but things like that really stick out for me.

    However, one thing I really think you got almost spot on is the way the characters talk and interact. So many writers make a mess of this but your characters speak and act like the mundane regular Joe Blows that they are. Nobody sounds totally off, and there's no preaching or pretentiousness.

    Your writing follows a lot of the tropes of this kind of theme, but tropes are not necessarily bad. The reason they become tropes after all, is because so many people like or can relate to them. Plus, you admitted you were in unfamiliar territory, so I can't blame you for sounding a bit derivative. As I was reading I could also almost imagine what TV shows you've watched, books you've read, and games you've played from the way you write, disregarding the ones you outright mentioned. Did you write this after you played the South Park game? :P

    There is potential here. You've obviously been putting the hours in to hone your craft, and if you keep it up you'll only get better. It'd be interesting to read something from a genre you ARE comfortable writing though.
  • @Dr Flibble

    This was before South Park I believe.

    And thanks. Horror stuff is usually where I'm comfortable at. The over-the-top gore fests is my comfort zone.

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