Being a chauvinist asshat
  • Haro everybody! Today I will share some ancient Japanese knowledge with you. Today's Nihongo (language of the land of the rising sun) is 亭主関白. Oh I'm sorry! I forgot your unevolved little western minds are only capable of storing 26 letters. We children of Amaterasu can store 1000's of symbols in our superior brains. Anyway, this word in barbarian scribble would be written "teishukanpaku". It means a husband who keeps his woman in her place. I like the kitchen or the bedroom (when my mistress isn't over), but some of my teishukanpaku friends from my kendo dojo like to keep their wives in other safe locations such as under the stairs or in a closet.

    Anyway, here's how to become a teishukanpaku and make women respect you.
    1. Learn kendo. Most women in Japan stab their husbands with knives or may come after you with a broomstick, so kendo is the obvious martial art of choice for aspiring teishukanpaku.
    2. Lift weights. Anything will do, bottles of 100% pure mineral water or juice, or one of your smaller illegitimate children. We need our muscles to pin our wives down when they try to run or otherwise distance themselves from our awesomeness, which quite frankly scares us sometimes too.
    3. Drink excessively. Of course shochu is the only choice. Women love the smell of alcohol.
    4. You are now ready to start Nampa-ing, and find your future willing servant!

    I hope this guide helps others in their journey to becoming as wonderful as me.

    Here are some happy snaps and glimpses into the life of a successful teishukanpaku.

    1. My 3rd daughter's portrait of our family.

    [SPOILER]image[/SPOILER]

    2. My daily lunch box.

    [SPOILER]image[/SPOILER]

    3. My oldest son Ichiro in traditional pajamas, ready for bed.

    [SPOILER]image[/SPOILER]

    4. Christmas Party with friends

    [SPOILER]image[/SPOILER]

    5. A typical night at home

    [SPOILER]image[/SPOILER]

    6. Me instructing my wife where I want her to build the shed today.

    [SPOILER]image[/SPOILER]

    You can have all this too! You don't have to be the sad fat losers that you are! Let me help you!
  • I can't see 2 or 4 but I still laughed.
  • XxBarretxX said:
    I can't see 2 or 4 but I still laughed.


    Strange, they are working OK for me.
  • I can't see them either, Flibbertigibbet.

    Funny though ;)
  • You should turn this into a book, you'd make millions.
  • Dear god, Flibble. You never cease to make my days brighter. I love you. :)

    EDIT:

    That being said, is Japanese culture moving away from this mindset at all? I've never spent any time researching or even casually reading about how things have changed in the past, say, 30 years. Is there any kind of comedy the style of Married With Children, for instance? I have a lot of questions, I should also ask Grey.
  • Add hunting, or as it's known here 'bringing home dinner for the ungrateful female who then must clean and prepare it after which I eat and she watches' and you have the very definition of chauvinist asshat in Canada.
  • Dr Flibble said:
    We children of Amaterasu can store 1000's of symbols in our superior brains.


    Hahahah Flibble, this one killed me. Until now, it wasn't the best of days but now I am laughing. Thank you good sir.
  • I wanna go to that christmas party :(
    Noobie for the laughs
  • You live in a karaoke bar? Damn, I'm jealous.
  • Gonzo said:
    You live in a karaoke bar? Damn, I'm jealous.


    looks more like a haafu bar :p

    Sunflower: Japan is changing but at a turtle's pace.
  • perhaps they see no need to change since they have no military anyway and the rest of the world sees them as a joke. Not ever being to Japan I wouldn't know, but this is my take. Would they change if they had a military?? Not until they lost it again but...
  • knowname said:
    perhaps they see no need to change since they have no military anyway and the rest of the world sees them as a joke.


    For those that suffer from foot in mouth Disease.
  • lol but they still have no military.
  • your right but they have a well respected armed force.
  • Sunflower said:
    That being said, is Japanese culture moving away from this mindset at all? I've never spent any time researching or even casually reading about how things have changed in the past, say, 30 years. Is there any kind of comedy the style of Married With Children, for instance? I have a lot of questions, I should also ask Grey.


    These kinds of guys still exist, and there's still plenty of young Japanese men and women who think men belong in the office and women belong in the kitchen. It is changing though, we've even had a swing in the totally opposite direction, with some men becoming totally whipped. There is an opposite to teishukanpaku, which means a woman who wears the boots, and in recent years the terms "vegetarian men" and "carnivore women" have been seeing regular use. It basically means the men are becoming more meek while the women gain assertiveness. There are no sitcoms like Married With Children. Japan doesn't really do sitcoms in the typical western sense. The closest we have is probably something like Sazae-san or Chibi Mariko, maybe Crayon Shinchan too. But they aren't anywhere near as sarcastic or crass as Married With Children was. Maybe there's something like that buried on cable TV that I'm unaware of but in the mainstream, no.

    knowname said:
    perhaps they see no need to change since they have no military anyway and the rest of the world sees them as a joke. Not ever being to Japan I wouldn't know, but this is my take. Would they change if they had a military?? Not until they lost it again but...


    I don't follow. What does having no military have to do with teishukanpaku? We lost our right to field a real military after WW2, but teishukanpaku goes back hundreds of years.
  • We need to have a post of the year competition just to give this thread some sort of award
  • jaded_sapphire said:
    your right but they have a well respected armed force.


    an armed force that's either just for show or to settle internal affairs.

    Dr Flibble said:
    I don't follow. What does having no military have to do with teishukanpaku? We lost our right to field a real military after WW2, but teishukanpaku goes back hundreds of years.


    let's think about that. egotism is having the biggest guns, japan cannot have big guns thus japan has been stripped of their ego. Ever heard of small man stigma? I take Teshukanpoodoo as guys with big egos trying to bang their chest. It exists, but it's dying off as ego dies off.
  • knowname said:
    let's think about that. egotism is having the biggest guns, japan cannot have big guns thus japan has been stripped of their ego. Ever heard of small man stigma?


    But teishukanpaku existed back when we had big guns too, it was actually even worse, so that theory is shot (pun alert).
  • Dr Flibble said:
    These kinds of guys still exist, and there's still plenty of young Japanese men and women who think men belong in the office and women belong in the kitchen. It is changing though, we've even had a swing in the totally opposite direction, with some men becoming totally whipped. There is an opposite to teishukanpaku, which means a woman who wears the boots, and in recent years the terms "vegetarian men" and "carnivore women" have been seeing regular use. It basically means the men are becoming more meek while the women gain assertiveness. There are no sitcoms like Married With Children. Japan doesn't really do sitcoms in the typical western sense. The closest we have is probably something like Sazae-san or Chibi Mariko, maybe Crayon Shinchan too. But they aren't anywhere near as sarcastic or crass as Married With Children was. Maybe there's something like that buried on cable TV that I'm unaware of but in the mainstream, no.


    Do you think it's overdoing it at all like they do in America? We're so confused right now - for about the past ten years, it's considered funny and common to be a dad who can't do anything on their own. They make "aw, shucks" faces in commercials and in television shows, until the all-knowing wife comes in and fixes whatever stupid thing the male did.
  • Sunflower said:
    Do you think it's overdoing it at all like they do in America? We're so confused right now - for about the past ten years, it's considered funny and common to be a dad who can't do anything on their own. They make "aw, shucks" faces in commercials and in television shows, until the all-knowing wife comes in and fixes whatever stupid thing the male did.


    Personally I'm not a big fan of what I would like to term The Castration of Mandom that's going on. I know exactly what you mean, and while it hasn't invaded Japanese culture to the extent it obviously has in the US, it does exist. The only glimmer of hope I have is that in Japan women are lamenting the loss, not laughing at it. Many Japanese still believe very firmly in gender roles; there's man's work and there's woman's work, and never should we cross the streams. I'm all for gender equality under the law and equal rights, but as far as I'm concerned this ultra hardcore brand of feminism/girl power we've been seeing can and should go eat a dick. For the love of Christ girls, eat a dick! Eat a dick for humanity! :p
  • Eventually the Japanese will learn. I don't want to go over there and have to work for much of anything, I prefer to practice my sword technique with masters (also known as onii-sans) and hope my wife will bring home money. Being a Ronin (Masterless Samurai) is a tough life but I am prepared.
  • GreyAcumen said:
    Eventually the Japanese will learn. I don't want to go over there and have to work for much of anything, I prefer to practice my sword technique with masters (also known as onii-sans) and hope my wife will bring home money. Being a Ronin (Masterless Samurai) is a tough life but I am prepared.


    oniisan means brother or young man not master, if i am not mistaken "Goshujin-sama" is the correct word for master but hey what do i know im just going off the power of google XD
  • Epke said:
    looks more like a haafu bar :p


    A what?

    Dr Flibble said:
    I'm all for gender equality under the law and equal rights, but as far as I'm concerned this ultra hardcore brand of feminism/girl power we've been seeing can and should go eat a dick. For the love of Christ girls, eat a dick! Eat a dick for humanity! :p


    That's a bit of a misconception, don't you think? People who think feminism is women being better than men kinda defeats the whole idea behind feminism. That's a pretty bastardized, skewed use of the word. People who promote woman as better than men are equally as guilty as those who do the opposite. Sexism is sexism, regardless of the dominant sex. Sexism and feminism aren't exactly the same ideology. Those hardcore feminists really qualify as sexists then, don't they?

    That being said, I'm not particularly offended by sitcoms; sitcoms have always been dumb stereotypes, with few exceptions, and to get offended over something as silly as that is, I think, kinda a waste of time. TV, especially sitcoms, will always play to the largest possible audience, and that means making broad generalizations. That tendency towards that broad appeal will only stop after the way TV is produced and distributed.

    Should one hate the players, the game, or both? (Or maybe even, the patrons?)
  • Gonzo said:
    A what?



    That's a bit of a misconception, don't you think? People who think feminism is women being better than men kinda defeats the whole idea behind feminism. That's a pretty bastardized, skewed use of the word. People who promote woman as better than men are equally as guilty as those who do the opposite. Sexism is sexism, regardless of the dominant sex. Sexism and feminism aren't exactly the same ideology. Those hardcore feminists really qualify as sexists then, don't they?


    The thing is, feminism has been drifting far, far away from equality to a level that's more akin to a group seeking reparations.
  • Sunflower said:
    The thing is, feminism has been drifting far, far away from equality to a level that's more akin to a group seeking reparations.


    Then what they are preaching/practicing isn't feminism. They can call it feminism, they can even believe it's feminism, but that doesn't make it the case. Believing that feminism is something other than people looking for equality between men and women, in all facets of life, is allowing those who want to hijack a movement for other purposes to define that movement.

    If the new "feminists" want women to have more power than men, and/or for men as a whole to pay for past actions that many individuals who are currently alive didn't take part in or supported, then they are really matriarchal fascists, not feminists. So yeah, I'm right there with ya, matriarchal fascists aren't good, but feminists still are (at least to me, and others who believe in equality of the sexes).

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