Would you want to know if your bf/gf has cheated before?
  • Ok so say you just met this awesome guy or gal and you've started dating. Would you want to know if he or she has cheated in the past or jumped from relationship to relationship dumping one person for the next?

    Yes I am in this situation. My ex has started dating someone new. Now before you go thinking I'm just an upset ex or something. I'm not I assure you. Please believe me when I say I am not looking to get back at my ex. Its been about 6 months, I'm over it. I just don't want to watch someone walk into the same situation I was in.

    Last year she was dating a guy who she told me she had cheated on about every 3 months. The most recent being a few days before she started dating me (I didnt learn this until a few months into the relationship mind you). She also broke up with that boyfriend the same day she started dating me (Again, had no idea she had a boyfriend. She approached me on a dating site.). Later she broke up with me the day AFTER she started dating someone else and lied to me about why we were breaking up. They broke up a month ago and now shes started dating this new guy who reminds me of myself, a nice guy.

    I hope you can understand why I feel I need to warn this new guy shes dating. I just don't know if its the right thing to do or how I would word it.

    So tell me NoobToob, would you want to be warned about someone like this? Should I say something?
  • I would want to know, but you shouldn't interfere. I can't see it ending well. When it comes to relationships people are irrational. He won't be inclined to beleive you. You'll be painted as a liar, with ulterior motives no matter how tactfully you approach the situation. If you like drama go head, but I promiss it won't end with a "thanks for telling me" and never hearing from either of them ever again. For someone you don't know, its not worth it.
  • Yeah. Thats pretty much how I see it ending up as well. I won't be believed and/or it will just blow up in my face as unwanted drama.

    Gah. It just sucks being forced to sit on my hands and mumble "That poor guy doesn't know what hes gotten himself into."

    I know that I personally would have wanted to know these things about her beforehand, but I don't know about others. Hearing about it from a third party is going to start drama no matter what I suppose. I'll just keep my mouth shut I guess. This sucks.
  • I would not care about their past but I would want to know about what they are doing now if they were my current bf. Fact of the matter is (not sure about others) you should not be in a relationship with someone that you have not known for a while. You should at least know them for a little while so that you can see if your compatible before you jump into the bf/gf status. If your in the dating period and your not an item then no... its not your place to say anything or get all but hurt over it as well. If the joint choice has not been made to be exclusive... anyways I think you get the point. As far as jumping from person to person... you can spot these people real easy. If they become really attached to you after a date or two then you have someone that is a codependent person that will jump from person to person.

    as far as telling this other guy all this... Leave it be. this is something that he will need to learn for him self just like you did so that next time (like you I assume) you will be more careful when picking a gf.
  • You'll just get labelled as a shit stirrer really, not anything you can do that will really have a positive effect. Sorry.
  • How do dating sites work? Can you like put feedback under somebody or something? Did she meet this guy via the same dating site?

    IMO he SHOULD know this BUT... I just don't think it's appropriate for you to tell him. IMO you should just forget about this girl, her life probably has nothing to do with yours. I think it's BECAUSE you still uphold relations (not sexual I assume) with this girl after breaking up with her you should consider her your friend thus blabbing on her would simply make you a tattle tail :x sorry, it's the law of the playground.

    If it really bugs you I'd go to her about it. If she does cheat (and is unrepentive about it... whether or not that's true is up to you) than she is obviously oblivious to your feelings and if it REALLY bugs you just break ties. I unfriended one friend on facebook (without having a former relationship with them) it's tough to do, but you forget about it quickly. You being her ex shouldn't mean a thing... I mean it obviously doesn't mean a thing to her (if she cheats).

    So basically don't say anything about this. A friend's sexual relations should have nothing to do with you, if you get caught slandering her she'll only end up hating you. If it bothers you drop all lines of relations with her. She sounds like a bitch anyway. If she's just some sex-a-holic or something talk to her about it. If she keeps doing it and it really bugs you drop her!
  • I'm not really too interested in people's past in this regard. I don't really see what good can come out of knowing something like this because not everyone keeps on cheating and if they haven't cheated before it doesn't necessarily mean they won't in the future. A person might have cheated in the past but have no intention of cheating on you, but you would be so focused on the past cheating that it would hinder you from developing a healthy relationship.
  • It's quite possible that person didn't intend to cheat in the passed either. Emotions (Hormones) are strong having 'felonies' like this means you don't or can't fight them. It is possible one has gotten stronger since the last occasion, but the probability is HIGHLY against you. I mean say he/ she has gotten stronger, learned a lesson. He won't know if it's enough until the moment. I don't know, I just don't think it's safe to subject yourself to theory when the happiness of your family is on the line.

    My answer might change if this were a long relationship (say a friendship blossoming into a romance) but the way it's described it's just too easy for her to cheat and leave without ever learning her lesson. My advice still is that he shouldn't tattle... UNLESS there is some indirect fasion he can do it ie report her to the dating service (if there is such a 'feedback' type section) but that's ALL he should do. I'd also strongly suggest he break ties with this girl, she's not worth it. This is kind of hard to do so if you do it is up to you, but I suggest it. Don't put yourself threw this aggravation again. Alternatively you might just want to talk to her about it...
  • knowname said:
    Can you like put feedback under somebody or something? Did she meet this guy via the same dating site?

    Not that I'm aware of and no, she met him in real life.

    Turns out she already broke up with him and slept with two other guys already(all within one week). I really do feel like when she was with me she honestly tried to straighten up, or at least she pretended to. Its sad really. I pity her just as much as I am disgusted by her actions.

    Shes just a broken person. I accept that. Some people are just broken. :(
  • Schizophriend said:
    I pity her just as much as I am disgusted by her actions.

    Karma will catch up to her soon enough...... and by karma I mean STD/Is!
  • I would not want to know. It would always be in my mind and I would always plot revenge in the future. But I would get rid of the girl as well so that is immaterial!!!
    No cheater is worth your time. Pledge ultimate devotion to your girlfriend and she must do the same. Be loyal.

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