The Institution of Marriage
  • There's a lot of married and unmarried people on this site.



    I want to know, what do you think about marriage?


    Points to consider:

    - Should it be a thing where you need to get a license?
    - Is it still a respected institution?
    - Does it create more problems than it solves?
    - If you're married or you've been married: what has your personal experience of marriage been?
    - Same-sex marriage: for/against/who gives a shit
    - Taxes and other financial benefits of marriage
    - Affairs and other reasons why you should never get married.

    All right kids. Touch gloves, and let's keep it clean.


    And in case you're wondering, or need some points to speak to, this is the article that touched this topic off in my head:

    "
    Cardinal: Same-sex marriage is just as immoral as slavery"
    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/cardinal-samesex-marriage-is-just-as-immoral-as-slavery-7536454.html
  • I think that this is a very good topic. Good Job TC.

    tallchick said:

    - Should it be a thing where you need to get a license?

    Hell yeah there should be a license to get married. I say this because if you can not come up with the time or money to go and get a licence from the court house you should not be getting married in the first place.
    tallchick said:
    Is it still a respected institution?

    yes and no. To some it is still has the amount of respect that it deserves and to others it just means nothing. I know someone that is 23 and has been married 5 times already.
    tallchick said:
    Does it create more problems than it solves?

    It can, but it depends on the people that are married and how they view marriage more than anything. If they don't respect the union then it is just a whole set of issues waiting to occur.
    tallchick said:
    If you're married or you've been married: what has your personal experience of marriage been?

    I'm not the best person to ask about this... I don't see marriage as a bad thing as much as I see it in a non positive light most of the time. yes, I want to get married again at some point in time but at the same time... Most of the time it is the men that are asking me over and over to get married to them. Most of the time it takes over 3 years before I will even consider it an option. My experience says that marriage is giving another person the right to control my every action and giving up part of who I am. Still looking for that guy that doesn't turn into an ass when he gets a ring on my finger. Its my experience that people change when they get married. Sometimes for the better but most of the time for the worse.
    tallchick said:
    Same-sex marriage: for/against/who gives a shit

    Who gives a shit is my stance on this.
    tallchick said:
    Taxes and other financial benefits of marriage

    I think that is a load of shit tbh. In most places a uion that is made between two people os not considered married unless it is a man and a woman so those 'extra benefits ' become void if you fall in love with someone that is the same sex. If they can not have it all then neither should a man and a woman have it all just because their partner is not the same sex as them. Most of the time you have no control on who you fall in love with. Also there are those people that are to scared to get married or just don't want to but have been together for a very long time-- they don't get the benefits of marriage even though they have a more stable relationship than most married people do. I say that if you are living as a couple for more than a year you should have the same rights for taxes as other 'married' people do or married people should not get them at all. You can't have it both ways imo.
    tallchick said:
    Affairs and other reasons why you should never get married.

    If this is something that enters your mind before you get married then you should not be getting married in the first place. If it never crossed you mind before hand and it happens to you then ask your self why it becomes different when you are married and not just a non married couple? This should not affect your view on getting married but if it does happen you have to ask your self is that something that you are willing to put up with? Also if you worry that it might go in that direction there are other options to avoid 'cheating' if you are open to it such as having an open marriage or swinging even watching porn with your lover to spice things up. If that is something that you are never okay with then if it happens to you then you need to let your lover know if they cross that line they will have divorce papers delivered by the end of the week and you need to be willing to stick to it.
  • tallchick said:

    - Should it be a thing where you need to get a license?


    Yes, as long as there are legal strings attached it should be a legally bound procedure.

    tallchick said:
    - Is it still a respected institution?


    Is it respected, some people do, however I feel that most people do not , I certainly don't. I feel that marriage over the years ,changes of way of life and perception over "social position" of man and women has lost majority of it but meaning. I lean towards the idea that the vows and emotional aspect of it is all but gone and biggest bit these days is the legal side of things.

    tallchick said:
    - Does it create more problems than it solves?


    I do not believe that it solves anything, at best it makes things more convenient. Does it creates an opening for a plethora of problems? Most likely. My reasoning is flawed yet simple. I am looking at all the people I know and look for merits of marriage that wouldn't be there if they would be just a couple. I fail to find many except the social ease or unease of their children. However looking on the people who have been fighting the legal system after a failed marriage or a crippling settlement after divorce are far more evident.

    tallchick said:
    - If you're married or you've been married: what has your personal experience of marriage been?


    My personal experience has been very jaded, I've discussed it with my partner for hours and hours. She and I mostly came down to the same conclusions and consciously followed that path just for one reason - children. Any family structure would be accepted by the child but not by the surrounding. It would make it easier if the family set up in a commonly accepted fashion to avoid awkward or embarrassing social interaction which could be quite emotionally scarring for a little baby.

    tallchick said:
    - Same-sex marriage: for/against/who gives a shit


    They do not affect me, however I can understand how it could be of great importance to someone as a representation of their, believes and ideals. I feel it is unjust to deny them that.

    tallchick said:
    - Taxes and other financial benefits of marriage


    I can understand why quite a few benefits should be given to couples even more so with children. However I fail to see what difference does it make if they are married or not. I'd suggest that some other legal declaration of partnership would grant the same benefits however it's bound to be exploited just like marriage so inheritable it won't solve anything.

    tallchick said:
    - Affairs and other reasons why you should never get married.


    I don't think that possibility of affairs is a reason to not get married, it's like saying I will not go swimming cause I could drown, I will not drive cars cause there could be a car accident, I fill not use electricity cause it might cause a fire or electrocution. More so I believe that looking at it the way that question is presented is wrong. Everybody is different and perceive things differently, I've learned that much in my life. There are always things that people can easily deal with and some they can't. There are open relationships that work and there are asexual ones that work as well. Having or not having a pet could be a deal breaker for people and I know people who got happily married for wanting to own the other person's dog. I don't think that there is a single deal breaker reason that would cover all of the people. Let it be all types of mentally or physically ill people, there is somebody out there that get's off on that. Everybody could potentially find their match. Not always it is a good environment to raise children in (luckily it is not a required part of marriage), on top of it some types of matches could be destructive for one or both side, yet it something that they might actually want and enjoy and lastly it could be a bad thing for the society they live in (A harmless homosexual couple could be viewed as a very bad thing in tight religious community for example).
  • hahahahah! Those questions cannot be answered I am not stupid! lol :P
  • i actually wanted to talk about this because sometimes it might come off as if i am against gay marriage and that is the farthest thing from the truth. the truth is that i am just against marriage.

    i believe it is a religious ceremony and should stay religious and being that we have a separation of the church and state it should stay separate when it comes to marriage.

    there should be no license because it is the church that decides if you should be allowed to be married, a licence would indicate that its needed documentation from the state, and i already explained that part.

    i am not really interested in what it is. i want to talk about what it should be. but with the kardashians and joe millionaire on tv i have to say 'no' its not respected. that is not to say people dont respect it, its just when i hear people say "if you let gays get married then next thing you know people will marry their dogs. (if the church allows that then fine but that isnt a church i would want to be associated with)

    it creates the same number of problems that it solves

    never got past the talking about "what if we got married" stage in my relationships. my mom was never married since my oldest memory. she got divorced when i was about 6 months old.

    if a church wants to marry a same sex couple then i dont see any problems with it.

    ok now "the financial aspect" this was the sticking part in my thoughts about the way it should be. i always thought there should be no financial advantage to being married. but then i grew up and realized raising kids is tough. but the thing is that raising kids is tough for single or unmarried parents too. so marriage shouldnt be the deciding factor on government help in raising kids. the last sticking point was that often a wife (and sometimes a husband) will give up their career to raise a family or be a homemaker. (i have a friend who has a mother that was on track for a great career and gave it up to raise 3 kids while his dad worked, they got divorced and she was left with no job and only a half of the education that she gave up to be a mother)
    after reading the previous two posts i came up with my answer of how i think it should be.
    if a member of a house dosnt earn enough to survive on their own then they would qualify for a special "dependent" type category. if they have children and the bread-winning parent moves out. that parent would owe child support the same as the law is now. the tough part is when pensions come into play... my thoughts used to be that if a husband dies then the mother should just go get a job. but after hearing my friends story i know that it isnt that simple. so in my perfect little imaginary world if the breadwinner dies and a pension is left there would have to be a simple qualification to see if the "wife" deserves to get those benefits. "she" would have to live in the same house under a traditional family unit (if she was paying half the rent or being paid to do stuff in the house that wouldnt count) second part is when the houses taxes are done there would be a special box you mark for your special dependent. if there is a death then the survivor would get partial benefits for being listed as the special dependent for the first year or two. but would get full benefits being on that special dependent list after the fourth year.
    if children are involved then their new guardian would get those survivor benefits to go towards the raising of the kids until they are 18.

    im not saying the things i wrote above are right or wrong, they are just my opinion.
  • knowname said:
    hahahahah! Those questions cannot be answered I am not stupid! lol :P


    I'm just asking for your opinion. That others chose to answer the questions I posted in list form is not something I intended. I was hoping for a more general, friendly yet opinionated discussion. If you have thoughts with which to weigh in I'd appreciate hearing them, no matter how controversial. This goes for anyone out there lurking too :)
  • Speaking of opinions I better put my money where my mouth is and share mine.

    - Should it be a thing where you need to get a license?
    The reason marriage licences exist is, in my opinion, a good thing. Laws exist keeping cousins and family from marrying to stop inbreeding and incest. They also create a legally binding contract so that, in the event of a divorce or separation the court must decide the allocation of joint resources. Let's not forget that, historically, marriage was a means to an end in terms of solidifying alliances, consolidating resources, and breeding. If you get married and go through the spiel at the church with the preacher, he or she will tell you this hasn't changed much. He or she will tell you that God intended us to marry for the purpose of being strong enough together to bring forth children into the world. The legal contract aspect can protect the offspring of such a union as much as the individuals involved in the case of failure.

    If this is something that scares the shit out of you I highly recommend you insist on a pre-nuptial agreement. I don't see these laws fading any time soon. They are too much a part of culture.


    - Is it still a respected institution?
    As far as regular people go, no. I have a lot of respect for people that hold up the 'perfect world' marriage. In my opinion, it's a hard thing to achieve and usually is only apparent on the surface. No one is perfect and every partnership has its problems. Divorce is too much of an easy out that many people take undue advantage of, IMO. This is not to say I believe people who are miserable in their marriage ought to stay in it, but every effort ought to be made before making the jump. After all, you once loved the person enough to make a forever promise.

    Perhaps the best advice I ever got regarding marriage was from my mother. (She and my dad have been together for 30 years now, and yes I'm 30 and yes it was due to the fact I was born... but they didn't get married till I was 10).

    She told me 'You're not in highschool anymore. Part of growing up is learning how to deal with problems instead of running from them. You made solemn vows of commitment to your husband, in front of God and your entire family. If any of that means anything to you, you should pull your head out of your ass and work to solve the issues your having instead of bitching about them.'

    Kind of like the old addage 'if you put as much energy into work as bitching about it you'd be done by now'. It's a point of view I can respect.

    I am not religious, by the way... I got married in a church because it was fun, culturally expected, and lent a better air of importance to the ceremony. My husband's family wanted it as much as mine so we made it happen. I will say that it made to occasion more solemn, and to this day when I think about our vows I feel like something important was instilled in me at the altar. It was... a heady experience.

    - Does it create more problems than it solves?
    Yup. Resounding hell yeah, in fact. I'll mention one in particular that really bugs the shit out of me.

    I'm a very independent person. When I got married I didn't realise how much people's perceptions of me would change solely on the fact that I have a husband.

    First they assumed I'd take his name. I didn't. This actually can create a mess of bureaucratic and other problems I didn't anticipate because people assume my name is his. I'll go to look up something at the government office and have to correct it, all the paperwork redone. Compound this with the fact I'm in college right now and living in a separate residence. People tilt their heads sideways at me and have no idea what to make of it all.

    Then they assumed I'd immediately be pumping out babies. Wrong again. I don't want to be bringing a child into existence just because I want a child. That's incredibly selfish, IMO. If it's meant to be it'll happen. These couples who go trying to have kids and have ovulation tables and the whole shebang boggle my mind. I mean, if they want a kid, great. But don't force it. Again with people tilting their heads sideways... my cousin got married last year and is expecting her first. Awesome for her, but then what gives her the right to give me a snide remark, or feel like she has to demean me as competition of some sort? I've experienced this from too many women. It's bullshit.

    Finally, they assumed I'd settle into an existence as a housewife and mother. The answer to this involved a bit more compromise: My husband would never accept that (just like me, he values hard work himself and wants his spouse to be materially successful as well), and neither would I (before I gave up my former career I was marginally successful, but had hit the ceiling and sought a different route to better wealth), we agreed I should retrain, and he agreed to support me in doing so. Once I reach journeyman status, I hope to be making as much as he is, if not more.

    As an independent person I like to be judged on my own mettle, not lumped in with someone else. I like to support myself not depend on others. I like to have my own opinions and make my own decisions and not compromise.... but in a marriage, you're in a partnership, and all those things change. It's something I'm still learning to live with.

    - If you're married or you've been married: what has your personal experience of marriage been?
    I know my husband wouldn't appreciate it if I spoke about this so you'll have to forgive me for keeping this part private. Pretty much what I feel comfortable talking about has been said under the other questions.

    - Same-sex marriage: for/against/who gives a shit
    For. Why not? I found the article I posted in the OP ludicrous. It made me livid. I'm not saying churches ought to be forced to perform same-sex ceremonies, however, I do believe that same-sex couples wanting to form a permanent union ought to be allowed to do so, with all the advantages (and pitfalls, depending how you see it) that heterosexual couples experience.

    That said, it certainly would put holes in the fundamental reasons for the fact that we have laws that dictate marriage licensing. For example: since same-sex couples cannot breed, what's the point of the union? If it is mainly a joining of resources should we all be forced to agree upon pre-nups now? Whatever is legally done to change the laws ought to reflect equally on hetero and same-sex couples.

    - Taxes and other financial benefits of marriage
    Married couples here can transfer credits for taxation purposes. Neither my husband nor I are paying any tax this year. This is a huge benefit to him as he is the breadwinner right now. But it does suck that he and I are counted as joint income. So I am therefore not entitled to any benefits I might receive if it were just me alone earning my paltry 'summer' income... we are deemed to have a high enough joint income that I don't qualify. Meanwhile, given the fact that in supporting myself through school and in tuition I could use that money, I am poorer (and so is my family) without the benefits I would receive as a single person. Singles say they are discriminated against in some cases with laws that benefit married couples... I'd say there is just as much 'discrimination' the other way around. It's just harder because instead of pooling the resources of 2 people you have to rely and depend on your own mettle. Boo-friggin'-hoo.

    - Affairs and other reasons why you should never get married.

    I'm with Jaded on this one.... if you're thinking about having an affair before you get married you shouldn't get married, period. If you never want kids, I would also say that perhaps marriage isn't for you. Even if you're in love and happy with your partner, and you've been together for years, but don't have kids, I would argue there is no benefit to legally single people getting married in the absence of children. Reason being, if there's a breakup, there's then no need to hire lawyers. (Though even this would depend in the case of a long-term relationship; for instance some states/provinces allow common-law spouses to sue for divorce benefits if the couple had been together for over a year; point is if the split is amicable you don't NEED to jump through those loopholes to go your separate ways). And really, all it means in the end is a piece of paper to say 'yup, we're together.'
  • gilligan said:
    i believe it is a religious ceremony and should stay religious and being that we have a separation of the church and state it should stay separate when it comes to marriage.


    I have to say that I do not agree. It is not always a religious ceremony. what about those people that want to make a comment to someone that are not religious? You can also go to a court house and get married there. Hell if you get engaged you can even have one of your friends go online and they can get certification that allows them to perform the the wedding for you.

    Oh and TC I don't know if you have ever asked a guy for a prenuptial before but they get really offended at least in my experience they do. Sometimes even with a prenub things are not as simple as that. My ex husband is proof of that. You have to live in an area (at least here) that is not a no fault state and the contract needs to be broken by one party by the terms that are listed in the contract such as if _____ cheats then ______ gets everything or in the even of a divorce then ________ will pay ______ in child support and ______ will have custody of any children

    Even those contracts can be broken
  • Oh goodness. I didn't even mention religious aspect of marriage cause in my mind it is null and void. I feel very sicked by religion and it's stranglehold on society and lack of willingness to accept anything different. Like Gilligan have said I as well think that marriage should have nothing to do with church institute. Religious marriage should be just another options along the lines of Elvis empersonator in Vegas, or the flying spageti monster. Religious marriage should not be the norm. Only after reading the few of your posts did I realise how much of an issue it is and I completely ignored as it is so obvious in my head.
  • jaded_sapphire said:
    I have to say that I do not agree. It is not always a religious ceremony. what about those people that want to make a comment to someone that are not religious?

    i worded it badly i meant that it started as a religious ceremony and it should have never been involved with the state in the first place.
    after a quick search i am proven wrong but my thoughts are not much different about marriage as a whole. here is what i found on my first hit.....

    The origins of marriage
    The institution of marriage is now the subject of a bitter national debate. How did marriage begin—and why?

    How old is the institution?
    The best available evidence suggests that it’s about 4,350 years old. For thousands of years before that, most anthropologists believe, families consisted of loosely organized groups of as many as 30 people, with several male leaders, multiple women shared by them, and children. As hunter-gatherers settled down into agrarian civilizations, society had a need for more stable arrangements. The first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 B.C., in Mesopotamia. Over the next several hundred years, marriage evolved into a widespread institution embraced by the ancient Hebrews, Greeks, and Romans. But back then, marriage had little to do with love or with religion.

    What was it about, then?
    Marriage’s primary purpose was to bind women to men, and thus guarantee that a man’s children were truly his biological heirs. Through marriage, a woman became a man’s property. In the betrothal ceremony of ancient Greece, a father would hand over his daughter with these words: “I pledge my daughter for the purpose of producing legitimate offspring.” Among the ancient Hebrews, men were free to take several wives; married Greeks and Romans were free to satisfy their sexual urges with concubines, prostitutes, and even teenage male lovers, while their wives were required to stay home and tend to the household. If wives failed to produce offspring, their husbands could give them back and marry someone else.

    When did religion become involved?
    As the Roman Catholic Church became a powerful institution in Europe, the blessings of a priest became a necessary step for a marriage to be legally recognized. By the eighth century, marriage was widely accepted in the Catholic church as a sacrament, or a ceremony to bestow God’s grace. At the Council of Trent in 1563, the sacramental nature of marriage was written into canon law.

    ok im back....so to answer the OP really the only point of marriage according to this piece is TC's last talking point "- Affairs and other reasons why you should never get married."
  • Its kind of silly but my bf and I had a discussion about this topic last night. He is a firm believer that marriage is a religious thing and since he is not religious getting married is something that he most likely will never do. For me I don't make the connection. When and if I ever get married one of my friends or his will be the one to marry us and over my dead body will it be in a church.
  • I believe marriage CAN be a religious thing...and any religious organization that wants to officiate marriages have a right to accept/deny anyone they want to.

    However marriage IS a social and governmental thing...and BECAUSE of the separation of church and state should not be discriminated against based on race/sex/religion.

    With that in mind:

    tallchick said:

    - Should it be a thing where you need to get a license?


    Yes. Minimal requirements and an official contract that is legally binding should be required. If not then what's to stop someone from claiming they are married to someone else just to get benefits?

    - Is it still a respected institution?


    Yes.

    - Does it create more problems than it solves?


    This is dependent on who the people getting married are. However I think overall it's a good thing.

    - Same-sex marriage: for/against/who gives a shit


    Part FOR and part who gives a shit. I think everyone should be equal in the eyes of the law, and if same sex couples want to marry they should be able to. I WISH more people didn't give a shit about what other people do that doesn't concern or impact them in any way.
  • I won't quote the whole post, but OC's post sums up my views.

    CRC
  • jaded_sapphire said:

    Oh and TC I don't know if you have ever asked a guy for a prenuptial before but they get really offended at least in my experience they do. Sometimes even with a prenub things are not as simple as that. My ex husband is proof of that. You have to live in an area (at least here) that is not a no fault state and the contract needs to be broken by one party by the terms that are listed in the contract such as if _____ cheats then ______ gets everything or in the even of a divorce then ________ will pay ______ in child support and ______ will have custody of any children

    Even those contracts can be broken


    Yeah, you're right, all contracts can be broken, this is true. But at least it'd give you legal recourse in the case of something happening for the worse.

    For the record, I offered a pre-nup to my husband before marriage. I will not discuss the nitty gritty (it's private) but the upshot is that he was not offended, and what happened between us ended well, and at the time actually strenghtened our relationship in a positive way. Just because something unearths something you don't want to think about, it isn't a reason to avoid it. Perhaps, and this is only my opinion and a rhetorical question, if a prospective spouse cannot deal with the discussion, that's a good warning sign?
  • When I asked for a prenuptial his response was what do you have that is worth taking... the answer is easy if my mother and father die before a divorce there is my inheritance of 500,000 k that is coming my way.Plus once I am done with school I should be making a shit load of money as well. Yeah don't want to have to share that with someone that I am not with. Don't have much going on now... But I have in the past and will again at some point. Plus if shit were to hit the fan I would want to know that I am going to have a place to sit and a bed to sleep on along with my children's things as well.

    The way that he acted though... You would have thought that I took a nut shot at him.
  • I'd have to reinforce what TC is saying, when I brought up a prenupt in a discussion I was not met with any hostility and it went quite well. Frankly I think this is one of those signs when you get to see if you and the person you are with are in sync or a good match.
  • tallchick said:
    I'm just asking for your opinion. That others chose to answer the questions I posted in list form is not something I intended. I was hoping for a more general, friendly yet opinionated discussion. If you have thoughts with which to weigh in I'd appreciate hearing them, no matter how controversial. This goes for anyone out there lurking too :)


    Exactly!! lol any answer wouldn't really be factual at all so what's the point but to spur on an argument?? MY GOD WOMAN!! lol. no, I get ya :)

    Anyway now that my disclaimer is done I feel more inclined to answer (also when I made that post I didn't feel I had the time to go over 8 damn questions!! am I the only one that HATES when this forum 'times out' on you in the middle of a long post... so I type SUPER slow why is that a bad thing??)

    I am not married and this is pretty much why
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14FeW96BqHw&list=UUqs1iTsSP-jFDlpYYtz6Nmg&index=4&feature=plcp

    tallchick said:

    - Should it be a thing where you need to get a license?
    - Is it still a respected institution?
    - Does it create more problems than it solves?
    - If you're married or you've been married: what has your personal experience of marriage been?
    - Same-sex marriage: for/against/who gives a shit
    - Taxes and other financial benefits of marriage
    - Affairs and other reasons why you should never get married.


    - should it be licensed? no. I feel the sanctity of marriage IS that it's just as strong as YOU make it.
    - is it respected? by me? yes. (probably too much)
    - does it create more problems? only if you let it (by that I mean if you AND YOUR SPOUSE halfass it or aren't on the same page than OFC your gonna be walking into a blackhole of suckage)
    - if your married or you've been married....? nope
    - same sex marriage? against?? honestly I'm not gonna get on ya for it but don't bring your faggotry around me. I'm probably too tolerant for my own good too
    - taxes and other financial benefits? yes please? I'm not really so naive to think a metalica song sums up romance.... but basically my opinion is once your in it your in it (unless abuse comes into the equation)
    - reasons to never get married? well if your libido is just scarred beyond belief... but anyway another reason would simply be incompatibility!

    But if you've really checked that box than go for it! take the plunge, I say! Honestly I don't believe in precautions like 'the world is too crouded'. If this is the case ppl will just start dying off, might as well see if your spawn will be one of the stronger ones to overcome!

    I guess for women the chance of dying in pregnancy is pretty bad too. She sacrifices so much already

    There I pretty much shitted on everybody you all probly hate me now :D

    ...guarantee that a man’s children were truly his biological heirs. Through marriage, a woman became a man’s property.


    and that's EXACTLY WHY marriage (or matrimony) is considered a religious concept, nobody can divy out property but a higher being!!
  • me and my GF are not relegious..my GF is an athiest and personaly i couldn't care less about religion either, we are getting married..though it will not be a church wedding and there will be no hymns or passages from the bible etc..we will write our own vows
  • Crymzen said:
    me and my GF are not relegious..my GF is an athiest and personaly i couldn't care less about religion either, we are getting married..though it will not be a church wedding and there will be no hymns or passages from the bible etc..we will write our own vows


    Good for you man! I do not understand why so many people feel that marriage is only for religious people. Here I was thinking that the main point in here would be gays and lesbians and instead its the religion aspect of it. Can I ask what makes most people feel that marriage is a religious thing if you don't do it in a church? Or if you don't use a priest, minister, bishop or what have you to perform the ceremony?

    Like Crymzen said you can write your own vows and they can be what ever you want it to be even if it was something as silly as I promise to not hog the tv and to let you have the remote at least 3 times a week... just asking is all not saying that I would ever have that part of any wedding vows I would make and not smack a guy for if he gave them to me but still I think I made my point.

    oh and on a side note... Common Law Marriage... There is no church that would say okay to that but its still there.
  • I think that it's heavily tied into a religious aspect as it is how it commonly portrayed in the media. In addition I feel it has to do a lot with the way we grew up, the previous generation in general were more religious and it governed their life in a more direct way, it's is something that became norm for a society even for those who otherwise would not consider themselves religious. Last point would be that there are quite a few countries that I am aware of that there is no other way to get married without it being religious marriage. (For these people it becomes a game of cat and mice, similar to the way Same-sex marriage work, it's illegal in most of the states but some do allow it, thus have to be registered there and then use that as legal claim in their state.)
  • You know Jerom... you make a very good point. Noobie to you my friend :D
  • tallchick said:

    I want to know, what do you think about marriage?

    Points to consider:
    - Should it be a thing where you need to get a license?


    I'm kinda indifferent when it comes to marriage (for myself). That doesn't mean I'm not for marriage, I'm just not one of those people that sat around daydreaming about a fantasy wedding when I was young. I always think how it would be nice to have someone to always be with to go do things and travel, etc., but marriage doesn't really need to be a necessity for that.

    As for licenses, I think so for the reasons that others have mentioned. It's important for people to be secure enough to take that plunge. I kinda wish it was the case for having children as well, although I can understand arguments against that.

    - Is it still a respected institution?

    I think for the most part it still is. That being said, marriage is obvioulsy not for everyone and while people might think people respect marriage less today, I think it's just because of the change in society to where guaranteed partnerships are less necessary than they were 50 years or so ago, especially for women.

    - Does it create more problems than it solves?

    Yes and no. It really depends on the people getting married whether or not they communicate effectively or how willing they are to swallow their pride and compromise.

    There are some people who unfortunately think that being marriage will solve everything. I knew a girl back in high school who thought she could make her boyfriend stay with her if she could just get pregnant and then he would be more or less forced to marry her and then all her problems with his lack of commitment and infidelity would be solved! *face palm* Obviously, it didn't do anything but cause her more misery in the end.

    It's surprising how many people are out there that really have this mindset.

    - Same-sex marriage: for/against/who gives a shit

    I'm for it. To me, arguments against same-sex marriage are just rooted in bigotry and homophobia. If you look at history, many of the same arguments against same-sex marriages today are just recycled excuses from the days when people oppressed interracial marriages. For example, people said that interracial marriage would degrade the sanctity of marriage, that it's "unnatural" and goes against the will of God, etc.

    People say same sex marriage is wrong because the partners won't be able to bear children, but I don't see the point of this argument. If same-sex partners want to raise a child, they have options such as adoption. People that cannot bear children but can provide love and safety to an adopted child are not "unnatural" to me.

    - Taxes and other financial benefits of marriage

    I guess there are some but I hope people don't tie the knot just for those reasons. :p

    - Affairs and other reasons why you should never get married.

    Again, this is solely based on individual differences. Of course, not everyone is going to have an affair while they're married. Marriage is a risk just like all big changes in life are, you just have to be willing to be strong enough to handle it.

Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

In this Discussion

Most Popular This Week