Rate the Last Movie You've Seen!
  • TFA's laughs were ok because they weren't silly prop humour (which is why Han Solo works and Jar Jar doesn't). TLJ seems to lose sight of that.
  • Still pissed. I think that one Leia bit pissed me off the most. Nuke the fridge moment.
  • That didn't bother me, really. I kind of appreciated how it showed that she didn't completely abandon that side of her.

    It was more the new tech introductions that bugged me. They really mess with the entire structure of the galaxy from here on out.

    The codebreaker still bugs the hell out of me. So too does Luke a bit. Nobody had any growth. Did Rey or Finn change at all in this movie? They did over the course of TFA. Nothing here. I guess Poe did, but that whole subplot with him and the substitute commander was so forced and stupid. She could have just told him the plan. The overacting there was painful.
  • The problem with Leia is that she remains passive for the remainder of the film in which she's functioning again. Clearly she has the ability to use the Force, so why is she watching as everyone she claims to care for is dying? I know what the film makers intended; it' obvious they wanted Leia to train Rey in IX, but that clearly can't happen, so the unveiling of her Force powers is rendered moot. 

    Poe's plot was the only thing I enjoyed in the film, and that was despite the Vice Admiral being supreme garbage. She's a competent actress, but as GEFM already points out: no reason for their combative relationship. When Poe turned on her my entire theater cheered. You can still unveil the plan to him and have him still disregard her orders because he deems her unfit for her position; that's fair, but what they chose to do was asinine. It's the definition of contrived. 

    One of my biggest issues is that they constantly give lip service to the theme of moving forward and letting go of the past, but by the very end of the film we're effectively back to where we started. Rey (for some reason) is a Jedi and Kylo is basically a Sith Lord. The title is "The Last Jedi." Luke needed to be the Last Jedi for there to be any thematic consistency or relevance. 

    The film has a ton of good ideas, but horrid implementation. 
  • So, I saw it and posted my thoughts elsewhere for a spoiler discussion, so I'll repost my thoughts with spoilers redacted. I really needed to share my thoughts after seeing some articles praising it as the best film since The Empire Strikes Back which is extremely not true.

    I loved The Force Awakens, and The Last Jedi underwhelmed and disappointed me a tad. I really hope things can be picked back up by J.J. in Episode 9, but I have my doubts. Also, it's not a worse film than Phantom Menace like some people are saying. That's crazy talk. I had fun watching this one at times, but Phantom Menace is one that I struggle to get through every watch.
    ---

    I didn't hate, but I didn't love it. I'll say I feel more mixed about it. I'm not going to shit on it, but I'm not going to praise it as the "best Star Wars" like I've been seeing around the web.

    What I Didn't Like

    • I feel like a lot of characters got pushed off to the side and wasted. Finn and Rose felt wasted and I thought their whole bit on the planet was way too long. Their connection thrown in there between the two of them felt really out of place and jarring. Just, every character's felt wasted in some aspect, with really only Poe having the only real development and growth in the film, but I'll chalk that up to him having literally no screen-time in TFA.

    • No sense of urgency or impact. Deaths that should have happened but got resolved by "the force" or some type of deus-ex machina. Especially a certain scene very early on the film. You know the one if you've seen it.

    • Too many things left unresolved or just completely abandoned. I'm fine with their being things left unclear for us to make theories about, or for the sequels to expand upon but in this case there just felt like too much that was left unresolved to the point of me being worried how they're going to explain it all in the next film, or if they will at all? 

    What I Loved

    • A certain cameo. I don't give a fuck if it was pure fan-service, wanking shit but I adored it.

    • The ending scene with Luke.

    • One of the only fight scenes that we see on Snoke's ship with Kylo and Rey. That's about as much as I can get into it without spoiler territory.

    • The opening space combat scene. That was so good guys, so good. They're definitely setting up Poe to be the Han Solo of this generation and I'm for sure okay with that. I love Poe. He might be one of the better new character's we've had introduced.

    • Some of the cinematic shots were pretty, especially the warp-drive scene towards the end of the film. I don't care that they shat on science and lightspeed and all that in the movie, that scene was cool even though I think someone else should have been piloting the ship so it would have had a bigger impact, but meh.

    • The salt planet when those Skispeeders are zooming on the salt and kicking up that red dirt/sand/salt in the air. That looked cool as all heck, and the planet felt like a shortened Hoth 2.0 from Empire Strikes Back which is okay for me. Not to mention the chase with the Tie Fighters and Falcon inside those crystal caves. Beautifully shot.

    For those of you who like number ratings I think I'm sitting at like a 6/10 over-all. I'll need to give it a second viewing when it comes out on Blu-Ray for another opinion. I just don't see myself going to see it in theaters a second time, which is fine. I'm not the kind of guy to see a film in theaters multiple times. It feels like it may be my one of my most least re-watched Star Wars film.

    I definitely enjoyed The Force Awakens more as a Star Wars film in general, I just felt a bit underwhelmed by this one and went in completely blind other than like two trailers.

    1. Empire Strikes Back
    2. A New Hope
    3. Return of the Jedi
    4. The Force Awakens
    5. Revenge of the Sith
    6. The Last Jedi
    7. The Phantom Menace
    8. Attack of the Clones

  • Bright

    Fun, but flawed. Lord I am such a fresh prince apologist. Training Day meets D n D meets Alien Nation. I like the boldness, and it has some interesting ideas, but the ending just turns to crap. David Ayers can set a tone, but sometimes he cannot stick the landing.

    Also, Mark Hamill seems to think the character he played in Last Jedi was not really Luke. Pretty serious shade. Also, Rian evidently wants one of the Michael Jackson kids to be the protagonist of his Star Wars trilogy, so fuck that.
  • Bright - 6.5/10

    I had fun with this one, even though parts of it really just didn't work. The worldbuilding was fucking cool though and it felt like a really cool twist on the tabletop RPG Shadowrun, just felt like something you'd see in that universe. Unfortunately, David Ayer is an awful director and moments in this film and his previous venture of Suicide Squad really makes it feel like the dude wants to do music videos instead.

    I'll agree about the ending just turning to crap out of nowhere. I would have liked to see the corruption with the police dealt with due to the magic, and I still don't get what "Blooded" means for the Orcs in this universe. Do they need to kill someone? Who knows. And the characters explaining the plot of the film at the end of the film was a bit annoying considering we had just watched the entire thing.

    I think I would have liked to see more of the fantasy races represented in the film to really make the universe feel like it's some sort of fantastical place. In the end it just felt like the world was populated by Orcs, Humans and a handful of Elves, but the Centaur cop was pretty cool.
  • Kingsman 2 Golden Circle or whatever: 4/10

    It was pretty whack but at least sort of watchable. It's going to age about as well as milk one day from its 'best if used by' though.

    White Christmas: 1/10

    End my suffering.

  • When in doubt, watch Fight Club again.

    Kingsman has great action, but I get the creepy feeling that it is trying to make us more comfortable with private security and corporate control over government control. At least I get to vote with the government.
  • AlphaGo

    It is a documentary on Netflix on an AI program for Go playing the best player on Earth.  It is way more interesting and hopeful than the John Henry story it initially looks like.  It certainly does not remove all the fears summed up by Charles Stross's Accelerando, but AlphaGo is the best random thing I have watched on Netflix for a while.

    Speaking of Netflix: 

    They are going to make a sequel to Bright.  I have some hope for the sequel, despite not really liking Bright.  Bright had an interesting act 1, a competent act 2, and then shit the bed in act 3.  Act 1 and 2 showed the setting has promise.  Maybe they can make good on some of that.  Also I love Will Smith a little too much.

    Netflix just dropped a trailer for Altered Carbon


    The story is good scifi, the cast is high end, and the production values look top notch.  I hope Netflix can pull it off.  If they can, I hope they make Snow Crash next.

    Last thing, I tried watching Real Genius (Crackle is kind of amazing) again.  This is one of the two classic comedies that launched Val Kilmer.  The other is Top Secret.  Anyway, I could not watch Real Genius because the "evil" weapon system at it's heart is way more ethical than drones.  The US has been darker than Reagan even before Trump and I am sad.
  • Would You Rather - 5/10

    Boring, and the acting for the villain was fucking so phoned in and awful it made it hard to take him seriously. The movie was boring as all heck too. I think the only takeaway is it could be a cool premise if executed properly? Basically, a twist on the party game of would you rather with people dying.

  • Altered Carbon

    I really like it but it is a well done version of a thing I like.  It is future film noire, and asks lots of question about identity and humanity.  So, we all know I worship Blade Runner, right?  I am half way done and I am very happy.  It is no where near Blade Runner or 2049, but it has some original ideas and some bad ass action.  Switching between Takeshi on a righteous killing spree and a Hispanic grandmother with her grandkids, while wearing an Arayan Brotherhood body was pretty slick.  I put this on the list with Daredevil and must watch of Netflix.

    Gantz: 0

    Stupid fun, guilty pleasure.  Absolutely bog standard, Japanese people stuck in game with death death death.  No new ideas.  If you think you can see what is going to happen next, then that is absolutely what is going to happen next.  Aggressively predictable.  So why do I like it all?  The art is good quality, smooth animation and some of the character models are original enough to keep me watching.  Pretty, in a monster with legs for hands, sort of way.
  • Cloverfield paradox poster.jpg

    The Cloverfield Paradox -  7.5/10

    The most recent venture into the Cloverfield universe and was released on Netflix right after the Superbowl. I enjoyed it but can see why some people didn't. It connects all the previous Clover films together which was nice for a fan like me who's enjoyed the previous films and wanted to see certain connections mentioned.

    I loved Chris O'Dowd's character in the film and was a standout, as well as Daniel Bruhl. I dunno if I could rewatch this one like the previous two, but damn that ending scene makes everything worth it with this one.
  • The Cloverfield Paradox

    Garbage. Just garbage. Lazy jump scare writing. Endless lazy jump scare writing. Putting your stupid, incoherent horror movie in space does not make it less stupid. Oooooo, dimension double talk and now we can write anything with no rules, just going from one stupid incoherent visual to the next. Only, unlike Event Horizon, our visuals are not very interesting. Want to watch us trap a good cast in endless scenes that take place in the same corridors forever?

    Cloverfield can lick my balls. Putting one word in the title that does not a cinematic universe make. The first one was an overrated found footage one trick pony. The second was stupid and only had a very good and very scary John Goodman in it. This is Event Horizon with no ideas. Fuck Cloverfield. Lazy incoherent writing with no rules, no real characters, no real themes. At least fucking Michael Bay just admits he is trying to get to his next visual idea with bad writing. This is bad writing that takes itself way too seriously and only gets you to visuals you have seen before.
  • Black Panther

    Jesus H Christ on a Romba! That was a great movie!  It is pretty damn fearless.  Sure it is following the Marvel formula at this point, but it has such a bold art style and cultural vision.  Thor tried to do Shakespeare court drama and fell short, Black Panther does that shit perfect.  Ever wanted to kind of root for Macbeth?  Killmonger is the bomb.  A Che revolutionary and an ugly American, all at the same time.  Maybe my favorite film villain since Lethal Weapon 4.  Best death line for a villain that I can remember right now.

    Starts a little slow and some of the fights could have clearer choreography, but man do you have to nitpick to not like this movie.  Once you get late into Act 2, this movie flies.  It does manage to surprise.  There were several things I did not see coming.  I have to stop writing or I am going to give something away.
  • The Cloverfield Paradox - I haven't watched a Cloverfield movie since the original Cloverfield. I only watched this one because a guy from the IT Crowd was in it. Netflix is the new "straight to VHS" category of movies. Some hack somewhere will dump out a movie, and Netflix will sling him a $20 for it. This movie, like many I've come across on Netflix, felt like that. I agree with westsw on this one, it was lazy, incoherent shit. Why do severed limbs become sentient in a parallel dimension? And the ending...jesus. Let's buy some turd of a sci-fi flick, then just tack on a Kraken at the end and call it a Cloverfield movie! That'll get views! I'm sure that was JJ Abrams idea because if anyone has 'hack' written on their forehead, it's that clown.

    Left Behind - Nicolas Cage meets Everyone's Gone to the Rapture. Awful movie.

    The Ritual - A group of guys go into the Swedish woods and bump into a monster. It was OK. Not terrible, but nothing to write home about either.

    The VVitch - Yes, witch spelt with 2 v's. Edgy shit. This movie was actually not too bad. It's about a family who head off into the woods to start their own farm, and get cursed. Like all paranoia movies, they then start to turn on each other. Which one of them is working the dark magic?

    The Final Girls - A Friday the 13th piss take. The story is about the daughter of an actress who played one of the machete-bait teen girls in an old horror movie. The mother dies in a car accident, and the daughter ends up attending a special screening of the old movie. A fire breaks out, and boom, the daughter and her friends find themselves in the movie. From there it becomes a parody of 80's slasher movies mixed with the daughter-reunited-with-dead-mother plot. Stupid movie that resolves nothing in the end, but you might get a laugh or 2 out of it.

    Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Dead Men Talk No Spanish - Another Pirates movie with the same story as the previous films. If you like this formula, go for it. I had to break this up into 2 viewings because it put me to sleep the first time.

  • Man, I loved The VVitch.
  • World of Tomorrow 2: The Burden of Other People's Thoughts -- 9/10

    I've watched it a few times since it came out like 6 weeks ago. At first I liked it but was unsure how much, but it has grown on me a lot. It's funny and heartwarming and tragic, mostly only falling short of the original in how it feels a bit more familiar, but I like the character growth, the observations on life, and the mood it evokes. It feels a bit more personal and generic in some respects than the despondent almost apocalypticness and classism of the first one. Don Hertzfeldt has talked about this being a trilogy and that sounds about right. I think overall this sequel is very good, full of legit laugh out loud moments and sudden sadness and longing and empathy for each other as humans, even if it doesn't quite stick on your brain like the first one.

    Black Panther -- 8/10

    A largely very good film that flounders a tiny bit early and also at times feels like it needs to both exist outside Marvel and yet still in it. The final fight is very underwhelming and some of the sequence of the climactic battle is predictable, but the villain is really great and feels like he has motivation and trauma that other Marvel villains have not had or have been just sort of given to give them something for the sake of it. Although they ramp up his violent tendencies to make it a bit more black and white which is a bummer. There's a lot to think about regarding this film regarding who it uses as actors to portray what characters and what that says. The cast is largely on point, the women and Black Panther are largely very compelling. It doesn't try too hard to be funny or wise-cracking and is more natural about it. Claw's effects looked kind of silly to me if I am being honest. I'm not a big Marvel guy, I liked this more than most though, like the Thor and Iron Man and Avengers movies, although I think I liked Spiderman more and while it's DC and not Marvel, probably Wonder Woman too. It's a good time overall, and hits way, way more often than it misses, even if it falls just short of greatness.
  • Black Panther has a bunch of kick ass women in it. Shiri seems to be the fan favorite. I am more of an Okoyay guy. The wig...
  • Nakia was probably my fav, but yeah, in terms of women kicking butt it's hard to beat Black Panther.
  • Shiri was an hilarious character. Apparantly Donald Glover was brought in to work on her lines and characteristics to make her the light relief of the film. Whatever he did it seemed to work, for me she was definitely the standout of the film.
  • Just saw an interview with Coogler, where he named Un Prophete as one of the most important movies he ever saw. I wrote a review of that movie on this site, like 8 years ago. Un Prophete has a protagonist that you do not like all the time. Black Panther has a villian that you do not hate all the time. Believable characters are complicated. When you think about it, Killmonger has a more interesting and more dangerous journey than Tchalla. The Black Panther is a wonderful man, but he has been as carefully constructed by Wakanda as his suit. Killmonger, like Malik "A Prophet", is a product and reaction to much much harder circumstances.
  • Annihilation - Released in cinemas in the US, dumped on Netflix everywhere else, I'm glad I saw it for free. It's sci-fi with Natalie Portman. It also felt like it was trying to be a lot cleverer than it actually is. I'm surprised it isn't more hyped given people's love of girl power these days. This is one of the few movies that actually does it well, and without being patronising or treating the audience like drooling retards. Hmmm.. on 2nd thought I may have answered my own question. Final verdict, it was a decent trip and better than everything else I've watched recently, but I'd never watch it again.

    The Outsider - Jared Leto joins the yakuza in 1950's Japan. It's as anus as it sounds. At least they got a couple of well-known Japanese actors/comedians to star in it, rather than Chinese-Americans speaking Japanese poorly.

    Hell - A German flick about a group of survivors in a world that has overheated. Nothing new or original to see here.

    Night Fare - A vigilante taxi driver in France murders half of Paris while trying to find a new apprentice. Crap.

    Van Helsing - OK, not a movie, but I suffered through about 6 episodes before the person I was watching it with finally gave up and let me turn it off. Jesus, this was horrible.

    Dunkirk - 3 hours of beautifully filmed dullness. None of the characters are developed or interesting in the slightest, and the story is near non-existent. It looks and sounds good, in terms of production value, but as for being something you'd want to sit through? Nah, no thanks. It reminded me of The Revenant, another movie that looked and sounded fantastic, but is just 3 hours of foot-dragging agony for the audience.
  • Annihalation: 9/10

    Decidedly intense, grotesque, stressful. A gory, horrific movie about the trauma we inflict on each other and ourselves, and the growth we want to achieve to escape from it. Fantastic sound design. Didn't like the last shot too much, felt like an acquiescence to tradition, although the person who I was with liked it for what it meant. Some of the creatures were much more terrifying than others. Some of the logistics seemed a bit silly. Still, extremely effective and draining.

    Napoleon Dynamite: 4/10

    I used to really like this, but it is aging more and more poorly by the second. Humor built on somewhat caustic stereotypes. And while everyone wins in the end, in a way, such milquetoast a conclusion is sort of treacherous too. The quotes and lines that people used to repeat ad nauseum in high school seem just sort of like bad memes now. There's a charm, still, to Napoleon and Pedro's friendship, and Napoleon's crush has a fantastic way to say things with her face, understated emotional displays and all, but it feels try-hard in retrospect and sort of slimy.
  • The Death of Stalin

    A decidedly English slapstick take on a very hairy transition of power. It sticks to the history, but pours the comedy on. Considering we are dealing with more than one of the most evil men to have ever lived, the comedy could not be blacker. Some really good acting is on display. I liked it very much and imagine Trump would have congratulated Khrushchev. You know shit is bad when Khrushchev seems like a godsend.

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